Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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