Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize