hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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