I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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