I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize