I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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