Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
