you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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