Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
