Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You are a genius and a whore.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
