i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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