Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize