i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
