I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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