oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
