I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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