I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
