spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
