They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
