OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
