using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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