dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
