i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
