also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
