he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
