I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
