but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
