three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
