Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
