After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
