Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Duck Duck Cougar?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
