You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
