I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
