This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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