I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Boobs speak an international language.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
