shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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