(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
