Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
