just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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