How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
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