She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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