I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i drank out of a bidet.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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