just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
