if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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