dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
