HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
