I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
