we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
