im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
