New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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