Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
