too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
