Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
