You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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