I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
