The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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