As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
