Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
