Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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