after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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