highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
