This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
