Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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