just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
