I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
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